Well blog, I feel like I'm finally ready to talk about the crazy that has been the last 3 weeks.
A friend of mine suddenly passed away. He was the husband of an even closer friend of mine. And since there is no easy way to explain what happened, I'll just say it:
He took his own life.
Lots of questions immediately spring forth from an answer like that. He was not battling a terminal illness (though I certainly believe he had an illness, especially at the end). He used a gun. He was in his home, yes, my friend was too. No, she did not find him. Yes, she called 911 and God gave her the wherewithal not to enter the room.
I realize 30 is not a particularly old age, but it is old enough that most people have experienced some sort of loss by this point. And while I just this past year lost my last great grandparent (Grandma Whipple was just shy of 100), it's not the same as losing someone who has an impact on your daily life. And it haunts me.
I'd like to say I could just "put it on a shelf and let go" as someone told me last week, but as time passes, reality only seems to set in more. As in, I am MORE surprised every passing day when he does not pick his wife up for dinner. You'd think it gets easier but it only get's more common. The new way we do things.
We have a saying in our school district this year that has kind of become a running joke with the teachers: the new normal. We reference it in terms of finance, but really, it applies here too. The new normal is that he isn't coming back and she is a widow. The new normal is that his kids only have one parent and one daughter won't get the joy of being walked down the aisle like the other did. The new normal is the one that is married will bring children into a world where one set of grandparents is divorced and the other is a single lady. So much of this won't ever make sense, I know that. But it is certainly a new normal to adjust to.
We have cried, prayed, laughed, questioned, talked and then cried again. It's certainly not a situation anyone plans to go through, but it has certainly forced me to grow up. Maybe that's what I need to take from this. Below is the "mocking" mock up of the last page of our yearbook this year:
It seems fitting because it is really the only real thing that can be learned from a situation like this. So I guess, dear blog, I will leave you with this:
Welcome to the New Normal.
